Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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