i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
