I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
