I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
