Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
