Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i can't believe i had my finger in that
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
