She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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