your room smells of hookers.
And success
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
