My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
