dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
