respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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