so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
