dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
