I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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