My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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