I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I checked into jail on foursquare
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
