yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
