we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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