I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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