so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
