i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
