i think my tv is drunk
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
