I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Non-Jews are for practice
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
