I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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