He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
