he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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