Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
