is your mom at the bar?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
