please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize