So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
