She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
