I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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