guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
