I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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