i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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