So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
