my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
