i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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