It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
