dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
