Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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