im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
