Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
