I murdered the dance floor call the cops
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
