I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
