so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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