How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
