so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
