it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
