so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
