I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
